to two accomplished graduates whom i’ve known my entire life! there’s plenty of pride bursting from my wheezy chest.

my sis! christina, BA sociology, uc berkeley. on her way to being a counselor/therapist

jenelle, JD, george washington university (and she’s gonna teach at the immigration clinic this summer!)

and a loving shout out to brie, BA sociology, uc berkeley. may she no longer have to suffer the lack of ________ during her tenure at cal

third uncle has been playing frequently on shuffle; everytime this happens i can’t help but turn it up. it’s a blistering, feverish brian eno song remade by bauhaus, and listening to it reminds me of how awesome they are. i get nostalgic thinking about the very first time i heard bela lugosi is dead…the hypnotic, haunting minimalism. then, hearing kick in the eye (it was the first track on a goth compilation box set), how peerless it seemed at the time. peter murphy’s solo career wasn’t terrible either…

okay, alright, YEAH, i admit it, i was a goth adolescent. i fantasized about my day of emancipation, when i could smoke cloves, go to all the haunts (hyuk hyuk), and wear whatever i wanted. i still cringe when i think about the outlandish outfits, the accessories (you can be sure i owned at least one ankh), my one-track “art,” the whole shebang. it’s mortifying! as much as it pains me, i try to embrace the past and if nothing else, find comfort in knowing that it felt truest to my angst-ridden, morbid character. i threw out most of my t-shirts from back then, but i couldn’t part with the joy division or skinny puppy one. i still have my mixtapes and all of my sisters of mercy albums (to which josh said: “you must be embarrassed”). now the whole “culture” seems like such a ridiculous 90s legacy.

i can trace the origins of my goth conversion back to one singular person: lee, the YMCA summer camp counselor on whom i totally crushed when i was 13ish. he was a 20-30 something chinese dude with an accent, and was the most beguiling badass EVER. though a bit scrappy, he had a striking countenance, a subtle snaggletooth, thick black hair, walked with a swagger, and was never without his ray bans, leather jacket, and scuffed winklepickers.
doesn’t sound like your “typical” camp counselor, right? kinda aloof, but overall good at his job. what an anomaly.

recently i thought i had seen him on the street. it made me feel very, very strange.

i’m self-conscious and embarrassed about my absurd goth teenage self. it’s an exercise in humility, reflecting back on different periods of your life. what you were like, how you carried yourself, what you were trying to project.

in the end, it’s key to remember: ain’t no shame in that game.

i am drifting in a strange stupor, a numb head space. it feels like an out-of-body experience.

i touched down at SFO pre-dawn this morning, reeling from the emotions that came with seeing a childhood friend graduate from law school. i woke up grateful for the bit of sleep i could get, anxious about the work that awaited me. i checked my email, and found missives from various friends (thanks nat, branwyn, ryan) informing me that rory root had passed away yesterday. he was only 50. the news knocked the wind out of me. now, mentally, i’m like a horse with blinders on.

i can’t concentrate. all i can think about are rory and the store.

comic relief was a fantastical refuge, a dreamy play land. when i first stumbled upon it in college, i felt as if somebody had answered all my wishes for THE perfect retreat. it alone bumped up the value of living in berkeley. i spent hours there, lost amongst the awesomeness, reverting back to my childhood days. i loved it so much that i had to work there, so i did. the store not only remained all those wonderful things to me, but it also became a home away from home.

comic relief was/is one of the best things that ever happened to me. it generously bestowed upon me a fun job, amazing talented friends, a way to get even closer to one of my lifelong loves, and most importantly, it delivered on creating vivid memories that still thrive in my mind.

if there was no rory, there would be no comic relief. in this startling sense, i was deeply affected by this singular character (flawed, quirky, but with a good heart). imagine the stirring impact his passion–and his dedicated, desire to share this passion–has had on countless others. it’s a pretty special thing.

branwyn (CR alumna) says that the best thing folks can do now is patronize the store, and i wholeheartedly agree. it’s a fragile, transitional stage. before people check out with their purchases, they should play with todd and give him a good backrub. he, of all people, will have to bear the brunt of this severe blow. tomorrow’s new comic book day, so bring your wallets and a healthy appetite for visual storytelling. it’s one way to celebrate the spirit of rory, the store, and comics.

ps – the first thing i thought of when i heard the news is rory’s proclivity for packing hearty snacks for cons. early on, he found out i had a fondness for summer sausage and liverwurst. for subsequent cons, he’d always exclaim to me that he had packed these particular vittles in the cooler. also, he liked ginger soda a lot.

pps – landry’s blog entry really nails what i suspect is a common, complex sentiment amongst CR employees, past and present.

the joy that is comics; this magic happens all the time in the best damn comic book store on earth

it’s a bit of a late night at work, so i’m breaking with a therapeutic post. went on a matcha binge the other night at genki. i have a serious problem, but at least it’s not meth, heroine, or gambling. instead of losing teeth or injecting opiates into my neck, i suffer the crippling self-loathing that comes with being a sad sack of flaccid fat.

i’m very particular about green tea anything, but it’s only because i love it so much. when it comes to ice cream, it’s absolutely mandatory that it’s from polly ann. this is partly why these popsicles are one of my fave treats. they taste like polly ann and remind me of pudding pops.

both bars are good, but i’m partial to the meiji one. in general, i’m a fan of meiji chocolate bars. they surprise me with how uniquely delightful they are. anyway, this kind of matcha chocolate (as opposed to say, truffles with a green tea ganache center) is intense; don’t think it’s for everyone. most people who’ve sampled them are ambivalent, but i’m obsessed. the smooth, bitter creamy undertones have a nice edge, offset by the perfect amount of sweetness. one drawback is that i suspect i’m eating white chocolate (which i detest) into which they poured five tons of matcha (which i like).

ever have one of those moments when you’re in a public space, like say on a bus, and you’re a greasy, exhausted, zombified wreck from traveling and you fantasize about being recumbent and before you know it you wake up with an entire side of your face submerged in your own saliva and you’ve only been out for like 15 minutes?

nope, me neither.

your crazy western wear slut here, giddy about her new purchase from a magical place in denver called rockmount ranch wear. we wanted to buy the entire historical store, but i somehow managed to walk out with just two tops (thanks to my shopping companions for “reining” me in, hyuk hyuk). though they cost an arm and a leg, i’m proud to add them to the western shirt collection i’ve slowly accrued over the years.

i present to you, my denver acquisition #1:
(please pardon my bloated chubby man face)

wait for it, waaaaaait for it…

unfortunately i like to roll up my sleeves, which means i can’t show these babies off

floral motif and a surly lookin’ cowboy

(photos of me courtesy of jan)

you can thank this guy, 107-year-old jack weil, founder of rockmount ranch wear, for introducing snap buttons, sawtooth pockets, and bolo ties to the world

i wanted this, but they didn’t have my size

one wall is lined with photos of celebrities rocking rockmount ranch wear

we seriously could’ve spent all day in here, if it weren’t for our flight

gotta have them all

if you have any vintage western shirts, check the label to see if it’s rockmount! can’t wait to wear my denver acquisition #2. soon. very soon.

ps – sorry about the way indulgent post. i was just super excited!

the passion-soaked battle storms on between two men i love!

ps – the fact that bi/rain is such a good, playful sport makes him all the more lovable

you all know the backstory (they weren’t terribly creative with the lyrics):

i was kinda excited about “bullseye” being onsite for our sunday extravaganza, but i had no idea she’d be so convulsions-inducing CUTE. my god, don’t ever underestimate the adorableness of this creature. she can slay you with one look. i’m not exaggerating. i use to feel meh about her breed (the aloof nature, the congenital defected eyes, etc), but oh no, not anymore. i’m thinking google image experienced a spike in “bull terrier” searches on sunday after 6pm. the key is to see her in person. pictures, videos — they don’t do justice.

ps – note the shift of my body language from photo one (beginning of the long day, with ami) to photo two (end of the long day, with karen). my arm was prepped for nabbing. i think you’ll agree that in both pictures, i appear unsettlingly creepy and mischievous.

pps – she worked all day, letting our visitors pose with her for a photo. the pix were then uploaded to some website. i felt bad for her, but she had 40 minutes on, 20 minutes off, throughout the day, and a nice lunch hour. her handlers fly first class with her.

my mom sent me these text messages tonight:

” thank you for your quick replying take care we are watch movie cloverfield so so scary”

” the movie so scary”

” tell you the truth mom very brave but this movie really scar mom most of time mom closed eyes during movie”

SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY!
FREE! FREE! FREE!

it’s a big deal in the museum world to have a monthly free day on the weekend, and the asian art museum is the first, and only one, in san francisco to do it. we’re celebrating this recent breakthrough by having a huge blowout bash.

say goodbye to target tuesdays and hello to target sundays. there will be chinese acrobatics, taiko, cambodian dance, polynesian and pilipino performances, art activities up the wazoo, and tons more, so come on down to the asian art museum this sunday, may 4. it’s all FREE.

it’s also your last chance to check out the sumptuous exhibition, drama and desire. and no, i’m not above telling you that there is some juicy shunga (erotica) in the show. oh, and another thing, this is a good way to commemorate APA heritage month, as well as show your support for the arts and culture community.

and yes, bullseye, the real, official target dog, will be making an appearance.