recently an acquaintance and i were “catching up” — you know, the usual. she was asking about my life, work, dating…which segued abruptly to this comment (and i’m not sure how):

“i thought you only dated white guys!”

sadly, i’ve heard this before and it chaps my hide.

let’s think of the implications. what does it assert about who i am? my identity? and all the racial, political, sexual, gender baggage that comes with being jennifer yin? not only does this statement simplify the tangled complications of attraction and love, but it distills them down to a matter of racial preference. it also suggests a betrayal or affront to my own “brothers.”

if you can make me: feel good about myself, laugh like a maniacal hyena, hot and bothered, and truly get me, and vice versa, then i don’t care what color you are. DUH.

end rant here.

sitting in my inbox over the weekend, an email from my mom. the subject line:

Ted Bundy Bio – How scary

heelarious. why is she looking up info on serial killers? how did she find that stuff? what was the sequence of cognition that led to this? if you’re curious, these are the links she included in the body. video and everything! great, just one more thing to deepen her maternal paranoia.

monolithic recap of the INTENSE comic con weekend to come when i get some breathing room. for now, a sneak peek. (glimpse of) derek’s recumbent body, fran’s smile, and wing chun in the back courtesy of jay and swing. meanwhile anthony was in the water with boogie board, and peg, annie, and sonali were being cute and playful. venice beach.

photo taken by annie, our sweet hostess

the latest in beijing olympics mascot merchandising. i admit, i like it.

via shanghaiist via this

peg and i had a good laugh over what would be a really funny (but weak) retort to any nasty insults hurled our way. observe:

meanie: “you are such a _________”
response: “yeah?!…well….i’m not….”

meanie: “you are so _______”
response: “yeah?!!!….well…i’m NOT…”

pretty good, right? i know, you’re floored by the geniusness.

it dawned on me that i shouldn’t be afraid to commit to non-photographic entries. sometimes i should just let the stream of consciousness rip n roar. for instance, lately i’ve had to get up and pee in the middle of the night. sometimes twice. and that’s obnoxious! it makes for fitful sleep.

after a long period of unproductive waffling, i finally got a bike. the opportunity to buy a used one — old, but a great reputable brand, and fun to ride — fell into my lap just at the nick of time. on several occasions i almost compulsively bought one cuz i couldn’t stand not being able to experience the joyous sensation of riding. not to mention the efficiency it introduces to one’s daily routine! what i’m not savoring is the agony it brings upon my poor crotch and battered cheeks. it’s super discouraging when you’re going up a barely-there incline and all you want to do is die. i hope my shoddy fitness and clumsiness doesn’t get the best of me.

also, the hiatus was stifling, but somehow i managed to get back into the gym, and have been going consistently for almost a month, if not more. albeit, it’s not as often during the week as i’d prefer, but i’m trying and making it a big priority. at this point, i feel like i’m conducting an experiment on my body to see what it takes to reap changes. determined to see something, anything, because i hate the current painful package i come in.

we’re going down south for con this weekend. crazy fun times will ensue, what with the winning social make up comprising peg, anthony, derek, fran, hellen, calvin, ryry, evan, so forth. it’ll be only my third time as a pure spectator, since previous years i worked for the comic relief mega booth. so strange, seeing the same folks over and over again, witnessing how they’ve evolved, some over a course of a decade.

my first ever comic convention was APE, when it was in san jose, and i was an angsty 16 or 17 year old. that was when i first met _____, a stylish, handsome, talented, and kind chap who sold me some of his work (which was partly pivotal for starting my “indie” comic obsession) and did a charming sketch in my book. well of course i developed a tiny crush on him, which would lie dormant and surface when i’d see him at subsequent conventions. the crush, harmless in itself, probably germinated because he seemed like such an ideal during an idealistic period of my life, when all i wanted to do was what he was doing, making good comics/art. anyway, he’d always offer a casual “oh hey! what’s up” acknowledgment during later run ins, partly as a show of gratitude for my support, and that would be the extent of our friendly but perfunctory exchange. over the years we’ve aged, and i’ve seen from afar how he’s aged (more salt, less pepper; more jowliness); life progressed. he married, had a child, and god knows how old the kid is now. his art’s always improving, onwards and upwards.

i don’t know why i’m talking about this, other than the fact that it’s interesting how strangers have the ability to make even the slightest impact and symbolize meaningful things in your life. it’s been a long time since i’ve seen this guy, and to be honest, i could care less. but it’s funny how his name alone will conjure up all these bittersweet memories of the girl i was. suddenly i can distinctly remember that first APE: all the nice soulful people, my first encounter with giant robot (jenny shimizu cover), dan wu of oriental whatever (coolest eye-opening thing ever at the time), gene yang (during his xeric days). i can even tell you what i was wearing. it was an entirely new, exciting world that filled me with a fiery passion that’s only native to teen territory.

as nostalgic and sentimental as this particular trip down memory lane is, it’s weighed down with a sorrowful sense of regret and disappointment. how i never created something like i promised myself i would, how i fantasized about one day being behind the table as a producer and not a patron. sucks, but hey that’s life: confronting and coping with the reality that 1) rarely will things turn out the way you want and 2) rarely will you be the person you sought out to be. but how can you retool this ostensibly difficult reality into a positive, healthy thing?

so yeah, that was a long time ago. i think it’d be quite magical to dig through the old sketchbook that i dorkily took to my early cons, in which i’d collect artistic contributions of all the talent i admired. what’d i give to flip through it again.

i’m going to shut up now.

pretty pathetic when you post about your weekend when it’s already the next one. oh well. regardless, it was more or less perfect. got errands done, walked a lot, spent time with friends, ate well, danced (thanks dj nako!), AND got plenty of solo moments in.

thursday night. peg and i went to the opening of the contemporary chinese art exhibition at the moma. we made the rounds at least five times to stalk all the art luminaries, as well as observe the wealthy, tall gallery folks. afterwards we went to anchor & hope and got high off clam juice

friday night. ambled over to j-town after work and took my sweet lil’ time soaking it all in. it really is one of my favorite recuperation activities. you climb that slight hill on geary, right on gough, left on post, and you come down on nihomachi. it sorta takes my breath away every time. at super 7, i caved and bought a new skinner design tee (yay!), which i’m sure you’ll be seeing a lot of. in the mall, there were wish trees everywhere. this particular “i wish” note made me sad

and this one perked me up…right on brotha!

i ended up at halu, where coincidentally dan lee (scrabbel), goh, and gary were dining in the corner. they kindly incorporated me into their group. serendipitous and congenial. then, sleepover time with my buddy!

the ultimate therapy, no? it’s like sleeping with a warm sandbag. dude loves to crawl under the covers, but then he gets really hot and pants like crazy, which stirs me from my slumber. i lift the covers to offer him some relief, but he still seeks refuge under the blankets. repeat throughout the night

saturday. went back to halu (right in the neighborhood) to photograph it for eater sf. cozy mom n pop spot run by the sweetest couple you can imagine. he’s associated with the mermen, and his band (also surf guitar-esque) is the shitones. wonderful folks. their daughters work there. and guess what? the food’s good! yakitori, ramen, donburi, that kind of fare. they play great music too.

then i meandered on over to park life. took my time looking around. whenever i’m there i am reminded of how friggin awesome david shrigley is. say what you will, but i think we’re humor soulmates. he’s wickedly spot on, so droll and strange. matt palladino show was up, that was okay. nicole had seen his work earlier in oregon. i like this piece, cuz i’m a sucker for anything anatomical/physiological and creepy

later that night, after starting summer palace (a devastating piece of ambivalence and meditation on futility of relationships, with a gorgeous male protagonist) and gorging on four bowls of cereal (i’m a pig), we went to the hyphen issue release party (they used space ghost on the flyer, i was sold)

i love it when everyone’s just flailing about and having a crazy fun time, like dr. lam here

forcing friends to do your bidding (thx alex, peg, and hyphen!)

singing along

being scary and weird (what?! she played the smiths and james for godssake, so naturally i went nuts)

(pix by peggy)

sunday. ahhhh yes, the big day for…

loved it! saw it at the four star. wasn’t perfect per se, but mostly what a movie experience should be. i’ve always said that i’d be perfectly content with just watching hellboy and BPRD doing day to day domestic stuff.

then, walked to penny’s going away at the park chalet. came out on sutro heights park, greeted by a pretty view of ocean beach. the scene was quite lively. families, bicyclists, couples, dogs, the whole shebang.

penny’s going away to alabama for grad school, so susie threw her a very nice going away. park chalet gets a LOT of action. i can see why it’s a popular place. it opens up to gg park, serves rib-sticking food (didn’t actually eat much there, but the buffalo wings and homemade chips were fine), and is quite atmospheric.

after that i just walked through the park, exploring this and that. there was a lot of sweat buildup in my jeans; that was a bit unpleasant. cool, gnarly (get it?!) trees.

frothy water babbling around stepping stones near a small waterfall

kismet! peg and i were both in the park at the same time. we met up in front of the de young, then proceeded to park chow for dinner. an appropriate close to a robust weekend

perfect fries sitting in a shallow pool of flavorful steak juice. AMAZING

celebrated lady liberty with a super-spontaneous but fruitful gathering. to sum up the evening with a few words: tater tots, lucky charms, taboo, and fireworks called “the rebel.” laying low with good folks and lethal food? that’s the way to do it. SF’s too foggy for firework surveying anyway.

pictobrowser is good in theory but in practice a bit stilted. so here’s the slideshow if you’re so inclined.

i’ve made a nasty habit of injecting sporadic shots of me stuffing my big fat face, so might as well keep the tradition alive. call me chubby cheekers

grabbed lunch today with jimmy knuckles at turtle tower. to our immediate left was a quaint family comprising mom and three little kiddies. i’m surmising they were all sisters. anyway, i couldn’t help but overhear bits and pieces of the conversation. imagine what this little girl’s voice sounds like (sweet, tiny, precocious, confident), saying these exact things.

“…you don’t deserve my love, i’m too good for you…”

“…well it’s just like an IP address right?…”

“…mom, what’s the biggest mistake you ever made in your life?…”

i have no idea what the contexts were but my jaw dropped at these three soundbites. so cute and charming. kids. they say the darndest things.

ps – i’m not a kinder stalker but every once in awhile you run into some magical ones

imagine that, for whatever fortuitous circumstances, you were at stinson beach yesterday soaking up the sun, a respite from the usual SF fog. you’re on a rendezvous, or maybe you and your friends spontaneously drove out there right after work. your legs breathe in the gentle breeze, smooth sand tickles the webbing between your toes, and you don’t care where you left your flip flops because you’re caught up in the lovely sunset.

and then, before the sun has completely descended into the horizon, this happens. the ultimate killjoy.

ohhhhhh yeah, i can’t wait to settle in with these babies.

ana — programming guru at work — generously loaned them to me. awhile back during the sugimoto exhibitions, sugimoto himself “curated” a mini film series that had ties with contemporary japanese visual art movements. we screened the two flicks above and face of another (also on my list). sadly, i was unable to make it to any of the showings, but now i can finally watch.

my only nikkatsu studios experience thus far was seeing gangster VIP at yerba buena’s 60s era yakuza films program. that was a lot of fun. it had basic eye candy appeal, but managed to balance b-movie-esque, over-the-top cheesy hamminess that would give MST3K a field day, with poignant, delicate memorable moments. i’m thinking tokyo drifter might be similar, if not just a visual hammer over the head. as for the world of geisha, well…soft-core is always nice.

PS – advance screening of hellboy FAIL. the line snaked up to the upper level of the metreon. suffice it to say, despite the fact that i had “won” tickets (bastards!), i didn’t get in. however, i ran into jing and talked about the dark knight a lot.

dear diary,

yesterday was kind of a bummer. i was feeling insecure, gross, anxious about an imminent departure, trying to keep my ballistic hormones in check, and coping with the soul-sucking monday blues. being out and about in the castro after work helped. i enjoyed the balmy weather, being amongst all the happy couples walking their exuberant dogs, savoring their bi-rite ice cream cones. it was nice. still, my soul was amiss, UNTIL…i got home last night, sifted through the mail, and found the ultimate spirit-lifter amidst the latest comcast and credit card solicitations.

i couldn’t believe it…
i received a lovely missive from one of my favorite artists of all time, TOM OF FINLAND!

he included a flattering photo of himself (one i’d never seen before) looking dapper and cocky (bearing an uncanny resemblance to middle age vince price). i may not be his flavor, but i’m still a huge, throbbing fan. talk about impeccable timing, arriving at my home the very evening i was in the castro. what a total sweetheart. must’ve been a hassle for him to do this, especially from the grave.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

THANK YOU, TOM! you’re the coolest finn of all time. thank you for being $ex-positive. you weren’t just a damn good fine arts craftsman, you were also the pinnacle of hawt get-your-rocks-off “erotic art.” sigh.