street food is an integral part of taiwan’s identity. in any given conversation about this charming country, the topic of culinary culture will inevitably surface. there are many, many things to love about taiwan, but you can bet that its gustatory goodies rank in the top five.

one of my dream careers is to be one of those food show hosts who travel around consuming regional specialties. ever see those japanese programs, where the demure, cute gals go to the country side and soak in hot springs and treat themselves to resort cuisine? and they make those ridiculous faces of pleasure, giggling and covering their mouths when they take their first bites? damn them. well i want their jobs! i could easily be stationed in taiwan and never run out of content.

my first stall after i arrive in TW, this one specializes in a huge variety of mantou, chinese steamed buns. yummers. soft, fluffy, and slightly sweet.

mantou and milk tea

okay, so technically 7-11 doesn’t constitute street foot, but they’re everywhere in TW and infinitely better than our sad versions here in the states. when hungry and/or short on time and money, get thee to 7-11 because rest assured, you will find all sorts of vittles. for instance – tea eggs (one of my favorite snacks), meat and veggie buns, lu wei skewers, a million different beverages, etc

this is an infamous chain called yong he. they’re reputed to be the best purveyor of fresh shao bing (doughy small flat bread) you tiao (fried crueller sticks) and soy milk in TW. throughout the trip my mom kept on saying that the first thing she wanted to eat was specifically shao bing you tiao from this chain. they hand you the soy milk in plastic bags. it’s easy to become hypnotized while watching them make everything from scratch

soooooo GOOD

peg with her winnins

the crunchy soft combo is heaven in christina’s mouth

the portable street food carts come out at night in ximending, a popular happenin’ gathering area for people of all ages (especially youth). i suspect that you can’t find these food vendors during the day because they need licenses. but once it gets dark, they all come out of the woodwork, wheeling out their delectable handmade goodies for the masses! delicious, and CHEAP! i’m always amazed by how economical and efficient their set-ups are. enterprising and smart.

red bean pastries

this guy was super skilled at cranking out wonderful doughy, crunchy green onion pancakes

corn, a classic

duh

swift hands adept at creating perfect little mochi balls dusted in peanut flour. oh, and i gotta say it: taiwanese mochi is the best

beverage culture reigns in TW. srsly. people love to sip away at all hours of the day. it’s contagious! coffee/tea and juice stands can be found everywhere. there’s probably one on every block. here peg refills on refreshing watermelon juice, and i sweet salty plum juice

this barely even scratches the surface. i’ll be posting more later.

since my return, i’ve been thinking about how to give lip (text?) service to my incredible travels in taiwan without resorting to my usual laborious and long-winded approach of breaking things down day by day. it’s just boring for all parties involved.

so maybe an okay strategy is to craft a lazy travelogue based on themes…

that said, here are photos of fun, big things. i know, what a specific, categorical assignment, huh?

definitely a highlight of the trip is popping my mister donut cherry. peg has enthusiastically championed this japanese chain since her japan trip a few years ago. there are a whole bunch in taiwan, and i wonder when it’ll land in the states. think krispy kreme but with a strong, stylish, clever brand and donuts that are a million times better and perfect (i apologize for the obvious analogy)

here i am with wasabi. it’s quite fitting. can you imagine if it was real?! we were in alishan national forest, in a region known for its wasabi and tea, amongst other natural resource goodies. it was a magical place, almost like something out of spirited away

this is the national museum of marine biology and aquarium. i really loved it. well done, classy, organized, with at least one cool restaurant. this is where i saw the whale shark (YES YES YES) and beluga. here’s a cool fountain that kids could play in. the huge whales reminded me a bit of pinocchio

the kiddie playground had these awesome sculptures of some of my fave animals, so of course i forced my sister to snap away!

you’ll probably never see me revealing this much ghostly pallored skin ever in person, but i’m a sloppy lazy tourist when it comes to dressing like i care (comfort comes first and taiwan is humid!)

at taroko gorge (home of endless marble and granite), large bronze sculptures of mecha-like insects? yes! i must…

(the more i look at these pix the more i realize how mortified i am with my bad travel outfits. oh well)

this is somewhere on the way to taitung. all along the road were stalls and shops selling this one fruit — the sugar apple — apparently a point of pride and specialty in the area. we stopped at one place, and it was cute how everyone was marveling at the bushels of sugar apples. if you’re wondering, it tastes like all the great things about great fruits, with a creamy texture. very good. if you’ve had cherimoya/custard apples (which are available here), they’re similar

did you know skeletor has a timeshare in taiwan? who knew?! this was in a beach resort-ish area, facing the ocean

that’s it for now. thanks for reading!

i’m back, but will need a long time to recover from the taiwan trip. there are 600+ pix that need to be uploaded and organized. it’s daunting.

for now, behold the captivating charm, elegance, and novelty of hong kong’s china club. it exudes the sexy old world allure of a shanghai art-deco restaurant/club and the sophistication of an art gallery with its kitschy, compelling, and/or beautiful contemporary art. many of the furnishings and decor are authentic pieces from a romantic bygone era.

the menu is extensive, the food is good enough (i’ll be damned if the bbq’d pork didn’t melt in my mouth in an explosion of flavors), there’s a chanteuse (might as well have been shu qi), AND AND AND…originals from the lao fu zi (“old master Q”) comic — a childhood favorite. that pretty much sealed the deal for me before i even sat down.

real letterpress coasters bearing the club’s insignia. classy

retro menu design

one wall – note the interesting painting in the middle

another angle of the dining room

more

restaurant entrance with moody lighting

majestic but somber painting in the restaurant doorway

you take the elevator up and step into this foyer / waiting area before entering the restaurant

the view looking up the staircase

YES YES YES. how great did it feel to see these all over?! ohhh nostalgia

i really love this. talk about conversation piece

the walls lining the staircase boast an impressive art collection. this isn’t the best example but i liked it

the reading room is on another floor, housing games and literature on all things chinese. oddly reminiscent of league of extraordinary gents

the piece de resistance — the terrace on the top. cushioned seating along the wall, and bar service i believe. these weak photos don’t do the view any justice

it’s like day six or seven of our taiwan group travel tour and it’s been cray cray to the max.

internet’s been hard to come by, due to the nature of our roving itinerary and long, long days. wish i had time to upload photos and write about the trip! there’s SO much to share it’s not even funny. each day has been jam packed with memory (and sometimes misery) making.

currently in taidung (tai dong) near southern tip of the island at this hot springs resort/hotel for just one night, then leave for hualien (hua lian) tomorrow. feel guilty for being online since we should be soaking in the springs, but it’s such a luxury to be able to hop on a computer!

the initial two days of the tour were blatant slaps in the face reminding me why i absolutely detest traveling in groups, but the negatives have been tempered by the two positives: practicing my mandarin and being amongst wonderful, endearing chinese couples (mostly in their 40s-70s).

almost all of them are touchingly affectionate with each other. the oldest ones have more youthful vigor than i could muster up at my liveliest peak. they’re amazing, fun, fascinating — a real blast to be around. i truly wish you could see them. one night they started twirling around and ballroom dancing on the sidewalk while waiting for a bus on a super raucous night　(it was national day) at sun moon lake. that was pure magic.

i guess you could say they’ve also reminded me how, um, crucial it is to marry someone who’s really really awesome. cuz you need to be with that person for the rest of your life. ideally.

today we went to this aquarium near kenting national park and i saw a BELUGA WHALE and a WHALE SHARK! i can cross that off my list.

the national parks / forests here are breathtakingly gorgeous.

anyway, we’re being herded like sheep day and night. it can be a bit maddening. wake up calls are as early as 5:30 am, and there are hundreds of tour buses just like us on the same itinerary. it’s insane! imagine what the scene is like in the hotel lobbies upon arrival. mobs and mobs of tired people storming the elevators with their luggage.

if you want to see pix, you can peep the ones my sis took on her facebook.

better go soak now. thanks for reading!

it’s our last night in HK. too tired to delve into things, and i’m fed up with my tedious, lengthy writing. i have a tendency to get carried away; i’m working on it.

i do want to quickly allude to the sotheby’s autumn sale. they’ve been auctioning throughout the duration of the fair, and i finally checked it out today. INSANE. classy all the way, and completely foreign to me. they even had a little circular bar set up, doling out free coffee and snacks. the showmanship and production is slick and impressive. unfortunately, i didn’t have my camera around for it.

here are random pics. tomorrow morning i’m off to taipei to meet up with ma, stepdad, and sister for a nine day tour of the island. bonus: peg will be there too for a day or two. that’s total kismet.

no words can adequately describe what a rich, incredible learning experience this has been. i am eternally grateful for the circumstances — and one man in particular — that made this possible. team AAM HK is so so so lucky.

school groups came to the fair on monday. here is a cute group of teens in their simple frock like dresses (with pockets!). they approached the booth in such an endearing manner, a bit shy but curious

i’m all about animal welfare, but i found the randomness to be amusing

look who paid us a visit? this is olan mills style

should’ve included this earlier. we landed in HK on national day, and immediately rushed downstairs from the hotel to the pier to watch the big fireworks. an auspicious way to kick things off, i thought

causeway bay was packed yesterday because of the holiday. frenzied but positive youthful energy on the streets

famous dessert chain, hui lau shan. i believe it started in HK and sprouted up all over asia. i wonder if we can attribute the crazy mango / coconut / sago / harsmar sweets phenomenon to this entity. there’s even one on geary now

this cab driver had FIVE cell phones on his dash

i still want to dedicate separate entries to two once-in-a-lifetime, probably-will-never-happen-again magical moments: the china club and stanley. for now, here’s the breathtaking view from victoria peak. it’s no wonder parts of the dark knight were shot here

this morning, on the way to the convention centre hall, i saw a woman taking photos of this huge sotheby’s wall advertisement that features a line up of artwork that would be selling at their auction. she was posing something held in her hand so that it would be included in her snapshots. it was a turtle. initially i thought it was a toy, then it occurred to me as i walked past her that it was probably real.

it’s slow right now, and i’m nursing a milk tea. a thumping house remix of a talking heads song (untz untz untz) is carrying itself through this corner of the fair. at least they switched CDs. the first two days was just one looping disc of french torch songs / bossa nova / mancini tunes. very enjoyable the first five spins.

tomorrow is a public holiday, “chun yeung festival” – for honoring and remembering the deceased, which might explain some of the quietness today. someone speculated though that tomorrow will be busy. we, along with the friends of hong kong museum of art, are the only museums representing. the rest are mostly galleries hailing from all over the world, from korea and taiwan to london and NYC. this is peak auction season too.

apparently the sotheby’s auction of asian art hasn’t been faring well at all — atypical especially for contemporary chinese art sales (the hottest thing). from what i know, some big name artists’ work are on sale too. word on the street is that the indonesian stuff has been selling, probably because of their “lower” price points. at any rate, it’s an ominous telltale sign of the global financial state.

i love the people watching. all ages, all kinds, all styles. glamorous older women with their bold jewelry, men in polished fitted suits, “edgy” hipsters of all ages, lots of spiky short hair (ladies) and ponytails (men), slender calves held up in beautiful heels, handsome man purses, plenty of expats, chunky watches, an array of fun eyeglass frames, fanny packs, distinctly beijing belts and loafers, tees and sandals, adorable children/families. everyone seems to have a genuine interest in art, and some are astute connoisseurs. it’s absolutely fantastic. many people have approached us with a curious disbelief. “you’re from san francisco?…what are you doing here?” many have also come seeking our ming catalogue, which is impressive. i’ve chatted with interesting people (including a tibetan who said matter-of-factly that going to america would never happen for him).

this asian art world is entirely fascinating and foreign to me, and i’m thoroughly enjoying every eye-opening second. it’s such a microcosm.

of the countless endearing things i’ve noticed, one is the sweet affection in couples. even better is that there seems to be a positive correlation between age and tenderness. it’s the 40-50s bracket that exhibits the most hand holding and arm linking.

here’s shanghaiese sf-based artist li huayi and me. charming and lovable. look at that handsome face! his paintings are like ethereal chinese landscapes, but haunting, dark, and fragile

a member of team AAM had his first celebrity sighting, and it’s a BIGGIE!

these cool women came up to the booth wanting to buy the ming catalogue. they were docents with teh HK museum of art. sally quickly took over and engaged them for a solid 15 minutes. she’s so excellent at holding court, it’s almost scary

is there nothing more pure and wonderful than people excited about art and culture?

another fave beverage — this is yuanyang, a strong mixture of HK milk tea and coffee. i needed it, since severe sleepiness set in again yesterday afternoon

after yesterday’s shift and the ensuing cocktail reception, was able to get out for a little and play. ended up in mongkok at the ladies’ market, and walked all the way down to temple market. it was raining, which robbed these markets of some of their usual energy and rowdiness. also went into a couple malls with tiny little stores, tightly focused and tightly packed. definitely destinations to check out if you want to get a feel for youth culture.

and some shots from the evening:

this ludicrous bling reminds me of curse of the golden flower, a la resting on gong li’s ample bosom

one fresh kiwi juice, please

there were open eateries all over temple street, and they were a tad offputting

some older man just tried asking me a question, and i didn’t understand. he simply walked away kind of laughing at me with his friend. oh well.

yesterday i was doing pretty well at the booth, engaging visitors and practicing my mandarin (when applicable). it didn’t last though, because later in the afternoon i crashed HARD. sounds improbable, but this is exhausting work. by no means am i complaining, but smiling and talking to strangers for eight hours straight can do a number on you. right now there’s a persistent — but enthusiastic — guy showing photos of his jade collection to us (he said, “they don’t have to respect me, but respect my culture”). we’ve been getting a stream of dealers and collectors who want to display their mediocre goods in the museum. sigh. this is when our diplomacy skills get put to the test.

we’ve also met passionate connoisseurs who truly know their stuff. it’s inspiring and sweet, reminiscent of experts at comic conventions who can recite, say, the entire history of green lantern. one couple at our booth pointed out that our jade catalogue, a scholarly contribution to the field, had caused quite a stir in the community (don’t you love that there’s a community?), and questioned how we had came to some of the conclusions outlined in the book. they discussed things like “tool marks” and the resilience and adaptability of fakers, etc. good natured and fun. this spirited, convivial atmosphere is so energizing!

ANYWAY…

breakfast at harbour kitchen, the cha can ting located inside the convention and expo centre. the menu is expansive. this is congee with minced pork and preserved egg, shanghai style green onion bun, and milk tea. the meal exceeded my expectations. the congee had a nice meaty stock essence, and the bun was AWESOME (slightly toasted on top, then soft, airy, warm inside)

our board member brought us pineapple buns, lao po bing, egg tarts, and confections (peanut brittle, sesame bites, etc) from supposedly the best bakery in HK, in lyndhurt terrace. what a special treat! this was exactly what i had woken up that morning craving

this was a great sight to behold: people really digging our library of museum catalogues and pulling up a chair to get into them. many folks have wanted to buy them, but unfortunately we aren’t set up to do business

both our director and senior curator of chinese art gave brief lectures yesterday. here’s the former holding court with his audience after the talk

one side of the fair has some contemporary art. nothing earth shattering, but some eyecatching pieces:

i really liked this korean painting – thick and luminous, you had to see it in person

stephen chow!

artist li huayi has a semi-retrospective at the fair put on by the ink society (in celebration of his 60th). it’s right across from our booth. he is a beautiful man with warm eyes and a real artist’s flair. i’ll post a better picture of him later. the museum presented an exhibition of his haunting paintings about five years ago

generous treat #2 from our board member: assortment of cakes from the mandarin oriental

right now the man behind this fair is giving a talk on chinese antique furniture. looks like all the seats are full.
we’re situated in prime real estate, across from the ink society’s li huayi show and in front of the lecture room. is this considered “live blogging”? jay, our director, asked me to think carefully about our presence at the fair and share with him my thoughts — since i’m the one who’s stationed here the most. hopefully i can call on these posts when i return to work to refresh my memory.

it’s preview night of the hong kong international arts & antiques fair, and there’s a lull in the foot traffic to our booth. my colleagues are at a special dinner down the aisle in a makeshift VIP space. the evening has provided an abundance of people watching; i’ve spied a handful of colorful characters and impeccably stylish folks.

thus far on this insane and surreal trip, i’ve been flustered with my impotent mandarin, bought birkenstocks, had dangerously addictive HK style milk tea, witnessed the awesomeness of which wealthy good-hearted people are capable, and already contemplated a fantasy of living in hong kong. yesterday i had a rare free moment to explore, so i abused my poor foot and did just that.

this mammoth construction project is right next to the swanky long pool. it’s quite a sight, seeing it jut out along the poolside and cabana chairs, appearing from the top of palm trees

the view from #2731

hong kong’s MTR (mass transit system) is clean, efficient, and thoughtful, with excellent signage to guide you along. here’s a fun, random ad, and then an example of MTR’s positive, simple reminders to keep you in check

the infamous central-mid-level escalator. i LOVE it. you ascend hk’s treacherous topography while practically brushing up next to residents’ suspended laundry, peering into store windows, and getting a bird’s eye view of the bustling below. this structure has appeared in chungking express. if it does’t fill you with childlike wonderment the first dozen times you ride it, then you must be dead inside

took the escalator from central station to hollywood street, turned onto a busy alley and found fresh produce, seafood, and gnarly butcher stalls. wet markets make my heart sing

it was serendipity, because tucked away was THIS, a popular place known for its perfect milk tea (made with silk stockings). just earlier that morning i had read about this cafe and really wanted to try it, but didn’t think i’d get the chance. it falls into the cha chan ting restaurant category — hong kong coffee houses. the window was plastered in press clippings to proclaim notoriety. it was cramped and hoppin’ inside, so a tiny table had to be shared with others

glass of iced milk tea and a trademark dish: fried instant noodles with spicy meat and chicken wings, topped off with fried egg. not purdy, but tasty

see how happy i was sipping my delicious milk tea? great great great

back to wonderful hollywood street. it’s mostly an antique row with its share of stalls, boutiques, galleries, a handful of bistros, and trendy wine bars. the beautiful thing is that it’s also residential, lined with schools, a temple, and parks. if there was a decisive moment that made HK a favorite city, it happened while gallivanting this delightful stretch

creepy, pretty growth

stairwells are everywhere (and that’s the temple on the left). see the cute school kids scampering down the steps? probably saw five different school uniforms out there. lots of moms were picking up their wee ones at this hour

eyecatching decorative building

lomo store (bright red store front) smack dab in the middle of this mellow neighborhood. crazy!

belonging to the plethora of galleries

kids being kids + resident curmudgeon in the mix doing his calisthenics

backtracked into soho (bars, galleries, eats galore) and then into lan kwai fong, an extremely “happening” concentration of bars, clubs, restaurants. it’s the epicenter of nightlife, but more like a raucous hotbed of grossness and skeezy expats. regardless, was glad to visit just to see what it was all about, but more importantly, to see this!

yup, that’s my cuz simon. true to form, he’s staying indefinitely in HK to work on another cool project with two other likeminded bros. i’m prouda him. we met up in a subdued corner away from the madness

later in the evening, went across the water to tsim sha tsui in kowloon. the plan was to grab a bite, but hunger and exhaustion were deferred in the name of uniqlo and M U J I. my very first one, and it didn’t disappoint. fell head over heels with it, especially its black, buttery sheep leather wallet

keepin’ it real at a down n dirty food court. at this point we were almost flatlining

this morning, a fortuitous chance to get outside for breakfast. went to a festive, huge seafood banquet restaurant in an industrial, dated government building nearby. better-than-average dim sum (btw those are goose claws)

and i guess i shouldn’t sign off without showing why i’m so lucky to be in HK in the first place. getting the booth ready on our end was an intensely stressful experience. the wall graphic alone probably shaved a good two years off my life, but as you can see, our designer rocked it. despite the grinding tension leading up to this, it was worth it. i’ll be a permanent fixture at this spot for the next few days

someone snapped this pic of me frantically trying to reach a coworker on the phone – note my weird eyelids

this is commissioner sally. she RULES harder than 99% of humanity. a heart of gold who tirelessly champions for the things that matter

oh man, i’m wrapping this up in the hotel room and it is way too late for me to still be conscious. it’s been a VERY, VERY LONG DAY. maybe it’s jet lag?

ps – kelly chen’s wedding is all over the news right now. goodnight!

plantar fasciitis. it’s a pretty word, fun to say. fascia is a cool physiological element, the good stuff that ties it all together…until one of your fascia begins to deterioriate, tears away from the heel bone, and catalyzes painful red hot inflammation. so this is what i have to say to plantar fasciitis, the extremely common, classic ailment that will befall many of us at least once in our lifetime:

(he’s flippin’ the bird. see?)

(“i may be living in a brand spankin’ new world class groundbreaking scientific facility but i will NEVER bow down to the machine! i AM the pretty hate machine, bitches!!!”)

as i write this, i’ve popped 400 mg of ibuprofen and my left heel/arch is propped atop a frozen plastic bottle of dr. pepper on the floor. the three tenets of healing plantar fasciitis are: ice, ibuprofen, and arch support. oh, and an exercise that stretches out the achilles. quite simple on my good leg, and awkward and irritating on my bad leg.

i hate whining, truly i do, but this thing has been a sonuvabitch!

first of all, i really hate hobbling like elephant man / smeagol hunting for fish. gimpiness is lame. literally.

second of all, yeah, it hoits like a mutha. last night was the worst, the kind of throbbing pain that makes you want to punch yourself (does that make sense?). taking a shower was challenging. couldn’t soap up the good foot, could barely get out of the bathtub without it being scene. who wants to sponge bathe me?

third, my plantar facia has a REALLY $HITTY SENSE OF TIMING. next tuesday morning, i embark on a scary, anxiety-ridden adventure: HK for work (i’ll be at the hk international arts & antiques fair…it’s pure luck, won’t happen ever again), and then directly to taipei for a travel tour with *gulp* my mom, stepdad, and sister (whew) for like 10 straight days. i’m thrilled, but it’ll certainly be a test of my patience and character. as we all know, traveling = immense concrete pounding. and being staffed at a booth at an international art fair means standing (and smiling) a lot, which i’m not supposed to do.

and y’all know how much i love walking, especially on travel.

so i’m gonna cross my fingers (HARD) and hope that this pup heals itself before i am in schlepping-tons-of-luggage-while-getting-to-my-gate-at-the-airport mode, which is actually the kind of thing that strains your plantar fascia. if it still persists when i land in the “orient,” well, then…i’m F#*@ed. can you imagine being in hong kong and taiwan and not being able to enjoy it? those places were meant for exploration. maybe this is what elderly senior citizens experience when they’re abroad. oh, i didn’t just say that.

how do you avoid being pathetic like me? ARCH SUPPORT, people, and lots of it. not to mention avoiding standing for extended periods of time, especially while carrying heavy things. i dropped $30 at kaiser for some superfeet (yes that’s the brand) insoles cuz i was that scurrred and ready to support dem arches. flats (what we all intuitively thought were god’s gift to women’s sartorial shoe problems) are terrible for your tootsies, so go get some FIRM insoles. none of that gel stuff. flip flops are malicious too, unless they come with support.

now i am hellbent on a serious mission: find TWO good pairs of shoes for my trip. i need sexy stylish ones for HK with a mini heel (good for your feet) because i already have an inferiority complex and these patrons are gonna be the chic, beautiful kind. i must feel professional and confident (but jenn, doesn’t confidence come from within?). i also need something to let my feet breathe in muggy, humic taiwan. birkenstocks make some sassy good looking products. so i’ll need to find some of those. and while we’re at it, how about some quality engineered sneakers? not as important i guess, since i just slide the insoles into my sauconys (thick soles) and they feel nice.

welp, if anyone has any tips on where to find ergonomic orthotic shoes (oh dear), lemme know. i’ve occasionally walked into a walking company store but immediately turned around cuz let’s face it, am i gonna wear trollish merrills or mephistos anytime soon? i might as well buy a walking stick. never! but still, i’ll try to put my superficial vanity aside for the sake of health. there’s gotta be a happy medium, right?

sure i’m being a baby, but really, i hope to look back on this one day and be reminded to keep it real with my plantar fasciiti and treat them right with supportive TLC. i’ve learned not to take for granted even the simple joys of being normally bipedal. i almost can’t remember what it’s like to walk without struggling like igor. this $hit is no joke!

the best in the west nugget rib cook-off in sparks (reno), nevada. we went, we devoured, we conquered.

it was A M A Z I N G.
i was so elated to cross “go to cook off” off my life’s to-do list. as insanely decadent as it was, i find myself craving ribs more than ever before. you’d think i’d never want to touch a half rack again, but since our return home i’ve had ribs twice from my neighborhood corner joint, roadside bbq.

before i launch into a recap of our pilgrimage of decadence, extra big ups to peg for driving and jeff’s family for hosting us in sacto at “chateau d’chew.”

we get in late friday night and settle into our jammies after a satisfying meal of homemade curry, frozen taquitos, mini corn dogs, and almond tofu. i pop my scrabble cherry (yes, it’s my first time) to the most intense battle of vocabulary mastery and wit. like trying to learn the art of war, board game style. here’s everyone when the game commences, eager and alive:

and here’s me like five hours into it. pretty much captures my exhausted, slaughtered spirit

the next morning we find this on the kitchen counter. AWWWWWWWWWWWW

being in the house in which jeff grew up is illuminating and touching. i get to see photos of baby jeff, little jeff, angsty jeff. we all fall in love with jeff’s parents too. they’re so charming!

after some diddle daddling, we board the silver bullet, reno-bound. jeff’s parents walk us out. as this happens, an epiphany strikes: every one should be seen off by warm parents with their arms around each other. it’s a poignant sight. they don’t stop smiling and waving until we drive off. is this on maslov’s hierarchy of needs pyramid? because i think it does cultivate healthy adults

i find the drive over donner summit a little daunting. i offer to give peg — the wknd road warrior — a massage but we nervously joke how it would cause her to swerve off the road and into our tragic deaths (bellies devoid of ribs).

after two and a half hours, we reach wooster high school — a free shuttle stop. here i force peg and hilary to pose next to the sign while starving in the hot sun. by this point, we’re all famished and lusting for ribs, not to mention trying to contain an urgent need to urinate

we get there and it is EXCITING. as luck would have it, brigid finds us as we we enter the fray. brigid, a san ho, is the person who told me about the cook-off in the first place. she went the year she got engaged, during a roadtrip with her husband.

she points us in the right direction, our first booth! arizona, huh? okay…

they hawk tank tops declaring: “grip it and lick it,” and “just bone me.” i like them already!

ahhhh! by the time we actually get our ribs we are DYING WITH ANTICIPATION. seriously. these turn out to be the best ones at the entire event. who knew? no other vendors’ ribs were so perfect. many layers of textures and density, with tender meat falling off the bone. mmmm

ohhhh yeah. fire roasted corn. buttery and sweet, with kernels that burst with every bite. topped off with seasonings and hot sauce. deeeeeeeelish

next up, memphis bbq. i promptly rush to this one because brigid tips me off to its deep fried dill pickles. she says the ribs aren’t all that, which is disappointing because i wanted to find revelation in tennessee Q.

blinded by excitement and a lapse in reasoning, i pay for two orders of fried pickles because i envision whole breaded pickles. i’m wrong. these are good! not great, but tasty enough to munch on. the creamy sauce definitely saves it, otherwise the sodium overload would murder you.

peg double fists guava margaritas. very refreshing

hilary gets a big ol’ lemonade. tastes mostly like mediocre sugar water, with no natural citrus tang.

neva gives a cheer while jeff stares off into the horizon, plotting his next kill

well, well, well…what do we have here? up to that point, i’d been mentioning deep fried goodies every other second. the moment has come….

these are texas style taters, and as much as i covet them, i conclude that it’s best to stay away…

…and defer to these!

as well as these! neva holds the mythical zucchini spears. i have to request ranch sauce. are they crazy? they should know better than to leave the packets of creamy herb magic under the counter

we find respite in front of a caboose. we sit and prepare for consumption of the fried zucchini and onion rings

here, perhaps the most disgusting moment to befall the nugget cook-off. they are HUGE. and yes my arms are unimaginably greasy afterwards

jeff had the brilliant foresight to pack latex gloves. as creepy as it seems, it’s a smart idea. do you know how difficult it is to eat ribs in an outdoor setting as you’re trying to juggle a million other things? there’s only so much sauce and fat you can wipe on your legs.

after the grease feast, we head here

jeff eats sausage with a gloved hand. great! the skin crispily snaps in your mouth, yielding juicy soft bitefuls of flavorful meat.

i’m going to fast forward here and bypass photos of all the different booths. you can see them here if you want. the showmanship is impressive and boastful, but after awhile they all look the same.

smoked turkey legs! admittedly, i’m not really feeling it, but neva is

so she stands in line and procures one. we pick off little fleshy bits and damn, that is one fine turkey leg! i am pleasantly surprised

refusing to give in and call it a day, i randomly allocate one last booth to be an accomplice in my swan song. i settle on a company from florida

it ends up being too syrupy sweet. sigh…

damn straight!

NOT COOL, dudes. i believe they’re from arkansas or kentucky. too bad, cuz we were jonesin for Q from way south

mr. melted eyeball

a few of these throughout the fair. says it all…

brushing red, red sauce all over the succulent racks

“it’s a love thing. you can’t bottle passion, but you can taste it!!” amen to that

by the time we get to the car, we’re all squashed

you’d think we won’t want to eat for the rest of the day, but soon after we return to chateau d’chew, we tap into the reserves (that jeff stealthily stowed away in latex gloves and ziplock bags) and gnaw away some more. we anxiously urge jeff’s parents to try the ribs — the best ones, from the arizona booth — that we bought before we left the cook-off

welp, that’s about it. rest assured, that won’t be my last rib cook-off. next up, a chili cook-off?