i was kinda excited about “bullseye” being onsite for our sunday extravaganza, but i had no idea she’d be so convulsions-inducing CUTE. my god, don’t ever underestimate the adorableness of this creature. she can slay you with one look. i’m not exaggerating. i use to feel meh about her breed (the aloof nature, the congenital defected eyes, etc), but oh no, not anymore. i’m thinking google image experienced a spike in “bull terrier” searches on sunday after 6pm. the key is to see her in person. pictures, videos — they don’t do justice.

ps – note the shift of my body language from photo one (beginning of the long day, with ami) to photo two (end of the long day, with karen). my arm was prepped for nabbing. i think you’ll agree that in both pictures, i appear unsettlingly creepy and mischievous.

pps – she worked all day, letting our visitors pose with her for a photo. the pix were then uploaded to some website. i felt bad for her, but she had 40 minutes on, 20 minutes off, throughout the day, and a nice lunch hour. her handlers fly first class with her.

SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY!
FREE! FREE! FREE!

it’s a big deal in the museum world to have a monthly free day on the weekend, and the asian art museum is the first, and only one, in san francisco to do it. we’re celebrating this recent breakthrough by having a huge blowout bash.

say goodbye to target tuesdays and hello to target sundays. there will be chinese acrobatics, taiko, cambodian dance, polynesian and pilipino performances, art activities up the wazoo, and tons more, so come on down to the asian art museum this sunday, may 4. it’s all FREE.

it’s also your last chance to check out the sumptuous exhibition, drama and desire. and no, i’m not above telling you that there is some juicy shunga (erotica) in the show. oh, and another thing, this is a good way to commemorate APA heritage month, as well as show your support for the arts and culture community.

and yes, bullseye, the real, official target dog, will be making an appearance.

ain’t nothin’ like being greeted by a headless pigeon as you enter a park.

this carnage was found on the top of the steps of alamo square park, corner of steiner and fulton. a bit startling and suspicious. any non-human predator responsible for this wouldn’t have just…left the thing in such obvious, plain sight…right? seems a bit weird. but nature has its moments too.

you know how cats and dogs often bring home vermin corpses as gifts to their masters? maybe the culprit did this as like, an offering to the quaint neighborhood? oh well.

or maybe that’s the exact spot where the incident occurred. maybe a dog pounced right there and then, before its mortified owner snapped it out of its natural, frenzied prey-driven state.

much to my fortuitous delight, there’s been a recent surge in the appearance of oxtail — a somewhat obscure ingredient that seldom makes cameos — on restaurant menus. anyone who’s suffered my friendship will tell you that oxtail is feverishly exciting for me. it embodies all the wonderful qualities of shortrib, amplified by 1,000. i can only thank my uber-talented chef grandma for introducing it to me in the form of oxtail stew when i was a wee lass. it’s still a true favorite, but sadly, she hasn’t made it in a long, long time.

i wish i could’ve taken photos of all the dishes i’ve had in the past few months showcasing this underrated meat (that’s what she said), but i was too dumbstruck with joy that i didn’t think to bust out my camera (hard to imagine, i know).

on a business lunch at bar jules a while ago, ami and i had a most memorable oxtail dish (with purple baby carrots). soooooo good. haunted by the memories of this special meal, we went back last friday, aware of their tendency to recycle the same ingredients in different reincarnations. this time we had oxtail with scrambled eggs and wild arugula, preceded by an embracing celery soup with sour cream.

to me, scrambled eggs should almost taste — and resemble — pillowy coddled, poached eggs. soft and moist, and a teeny bit yolky

i could’ve spent the rest of the afternoon staring at this, with a pen in hand for doodling. it’s a relaxing scene

my very first job was at agnews developmental center, so watching this audio slideshow overwhelmed me with nostalgia and sadness. it summoned memories that must’ve been filed away in dusty, forgotten boxes buried deep in the recesses of my consciousness.

please click here to watch

upon my mom’s suggestion, i applied to be a recreational activities youth assistant — it was a summertime position. i was 15, and had just finished my first year of high school. for the entirety of that summer, i carpooled to and from work with my mom, who would occasionally let me practice my driving during those commutes. we spent a lot of time together. hard to imagine what that was like.

as unappealing as a 8-5 job might be, especially to an adolescent, those were halcyon — albeit challenging — days that gave me powerful, poignant memories. i was part of a group of teens who tagged along with the rec leader, ladonna. her priority was just to make sure that the clients were being properly entertained, that the engagement / activities elements of their quality of life were being met. collectively we served as her helpers in achieving this ongoing goal.

mostly though, i think they just wanted to bring some kids around to liven up the place (it was kinda depressing and dreary) and to hang out with the clients.

i remember sweltering hot days, greasy fried meals and junk food from the canteen, making friends with other teenagers (we were a diverse, rowdy bunch), setting up huge unruly tents on campus for festivals, packing the van and buses with picnic and art supplies, general heavy lifting and healthy labor, riding in these vehicles along with the clients to parks, landmarks, destinations all over the bay area, watergun / balloon wars, witnessing serious seizures and temper tantrums, and most of all, just being with the clients. eating with them, playing with them, making arts and crafts with them, helping them.

they were characters from all walks of life. down syndrome, brain and spinal injuries, birth defects, autism, severe illnesses…the whole range of mental and physical impairment was well represented. i had a few favorites — some were real softies and charmers, some were eccentric, and others were moody loners. but i wondered about every single one of them. about their families, how often they had visitors, what had happened to them, or if they “born this way,” what lives they would lead if they didn’t have to be at agnews.

every day bore a heartbreaking revelation. sometimes you’d see parents visiting their children, as young as primary school kiddies and as old as middle aged. i dunno, and sometimes you’d sense this undeniable bond with a client, or this gutwrenching larger-than-life vibe by staring into one’s eyes. i know it sounds hokey, but i swear it’s true. i bet my mom knows sandra — the woman in the video. sandra is even familiar to me. i realize that this was an intense, serious gig, but we acclimated very quickly to the presence of children-in-adult bodies wearing helmuts, people who have spent their entire lives in wheelchairs, those who ingested food through tubes in their throats, and frankly, the handful of scary, brooding characters too.

i also met some incredibly inspiring people there on staff. i distinctly remember one time, we were on an outing and getting ready to have lunch. we always packed our own, but the clients had strictly regulated meals, and believe me, they did NOT look appetizing. think state-provided food: pudding cups with generic packaging and sandwiches that looked suspiciously plain. tom, the rec leader always with the guitar, grabbed one of these brown bags and totally dug in. he said, “if it’s good enough for them it’s good enough for me.”

okay, so maybe that’s a bad example, but still. you should’ve seen the way this guy interacted with the clients. it was on an incomprehensible level. straight up soulful and compassionate.

i shared some tender heart-swelling, tear-inducing moments with the clients, and classic wholesome, fun, coming-of-age summertime moments with my coworkers.

ANYWAY, agnews has a fascinating, eerie history. it started out in 1885 as an insane asylum (“the great asylum for the insane”) and evolved into a care, treatment, and residential center for the mentally and physically disabled. it has been threatened with closure for as long as i can remember. growing up, its impending demise was always regarded in my household with an “any day now” attitude. over the years campuses have closed down and operations have dwindled smaller and smaller.

it will finally be shut down this june. a former short-term employer of mine, and a long-term employer of my mother (who recently retired after 18 years of service).

man, i wish i could dig up the photos from that summer.

i’m irked with myself for constantly sourcing SFGate/Chronicle news (we all know of its dubious quality – for example, big headline today: “Thousands Turn Out For Anti-China Vigil” – what crap sensationalistic wording), but it’s easiest and “closest to home” so i begrudgingly defer to it. um, yeah. guess that’s my way of being apologetic.

as you can tell, i’m pretty much engrossed with this hot topic. i don’t see how you can’t be. as a chinese american, a san franciscan, and someone who was in china while it was ramping up for the olympics, this is riveting and conflicting as all hell.

yesterday, my friend/coworker mentioned the idea of wearing our olympic pins (that i bought when i was there). depending on your perspective, today is the best, or worst, day to don beijing 2008 commemorative paraphernalia. i admittedly wonder what message it sends, whether or not it’s “appropriate.” well. i’m a superficial person. i bought these pins cuz i thought they were awesome, funny, handsome, and straight from the motherland.

i wear mine:

my friend wears his:

busloads of chinese folks are coming up to sf as we speak to show their support. another friend/coworker commutes on caltrain, and she said on her way in there were hordes of mainland chinese all over the place. i really wish i could be out there in the wild to witness all this. i think we’re going to go to justin herman plaza during lunch to check it out.

here’s an article titled “China doctors the news of Olympic torch relay.” it features these interesting quotes:

A middle-age woman surnamed Feng was less optimistic about the U.S. reception and less willing to give her full name…said the tension was noticeable among guards in the embassy district where she walks her dog. She said she expects China’s international reception to continue to be rocky as the torch moves around the world. The (Chinese) government is worried; we’re all worried,” Feng said. “We’ve been preparing for these Olympics for eight years.“

“It’s just bad, bad, bad,” retired army officer Wang Guanghai said of pro-Tibetan demonstrations that marred the torch relay in London and Paris. Wang, who chatted at a fruit stand in a downtown Beijing neighborhood, said he was certain the United States would be more welcoming when the torch arrived in San Francisco. Although protesters had hung pro-Tibetan freedom banners from the Golden Gate Bridge hours earlier, the news had not been published in China.

with that said, here are photos that peg took last night at the vigil in UN plaza. yeah, of course san francisco is more welcoming!

so my friend/coworker just walked by into my area and said pro-tibetans had climbed the golden gate bridge. it took me a while to register what this actually meant, so i looked it up and

H O L Y $ H I T

wow.

i guess i don’t feel so far-fetched for mentioning in my previous post that all this olympics stuff is “history in the making.” i don’t even know what to say, except mutter the word “fierce.” i can hear michael keaton/bruce wayne yelling “you wanna get nuts? c’mon! LET’S GET NUTS!!!” in my head. cuz this is sheer nutty insanity. a quick gleaning of the comments section will show you how polarized people are. some are cruelly expressing their wishes for them to fall, and others are applauding them. here’s some footage, courtesy CBS 5:

i’m really curious to see how the olympic torch relay in SF on wednesday will play out. will it be like the one in paris, where the last part of it was canceled, succumbing to the craziness of it all? will the olympic flame get snuffed out by SF protesters? i wonder…

what do you think? as stupid as it sounds, this is a churning momentous time; history in the making. the china/human rights/tibet problem is a perennial pandora’s box of challenges to one’s morale, ethics, and understanding of how densely complex the world is. it’s like a massive impossible knot that your mind can’t navigate, a rat king, where each rat represents something (historical, social, economic, cultural issues, and so on).

on saturday i was leaving ranch 99 and a young chinese fellow, adorned with beijing olympic pendant and flag, was rallying people to show up in SF. he was handing out fliers that had info on the torch relay route. the print said something to the effect of: “chinese people, stand up bravely and show your support for the olympics.” he anticipated around 9,000 chinese folks to attend. that’s a lot.

tibetan exiles performing a street play during a protest in new delhi on march 31

april 5 marks a chinese holiday — qing ming jie — the clear and bright festival. aka tomb sweeping festival, all souls day, festival for tending graves, grave sweeping day, chinese memorial day, tomb sweeping day, spring remembrance.

my mom adheres to this age-old tradition, so we’ll be going to skylawn cemetary tomorrow. ever since my popo (grandma) died in 1997, it’s been a custom we’ve observed. with my gong gong’s (grandpa’s) somewhat surprising death a few years ago, ma’s tenacity to stick to the ritual picked up ten-fold. she and my sis can tell you how difficult it is to get me to participate. it’s like pulling teeth, or dragging a pet into the vet’s office. even though i respect the idea behind qing ming jie and it appeals to my gloomy sensibilities, it’s depressing as hell!

first, christina does a bang up job on cleaning the gravestones. she uses elbow grease and car cleaning agents to get them nice and glossy. garden shears are used to trim the grass encroaching upon the stones. i wish i was a trooper like her

lookin good

ma treats her parents to their favorite meals, canned drinks, and snacks. she usually picks up these vittles from ranch 99 on our way to the cemetary, which is nestled on a hill between san mateo and half moon bay

with incense in hand, ma recites a medley of buddhist prayers and personal, heartfelt salutations. she asks grandma and grandpa to watch over the family and friends, to ensure we do well in life, thrive on good health, and of course, find good husbands. basically she reminds them to have our backs

of course, the deceased need to live it up too! so we burn joss paper — “ghost money” — for them to party it up in what my ma endearingly calls “happy land.” it’s like wiring $crilla to them but in a parallel universe, supernatural sort of way. it’s not just money; there’re paper/cardboard articles of clothing, houses, cell phones, credit cards, and almost anything else you can think of. i once saw a joss specialty store in chinatown, and was stunned by the massive selection!

this is a cool and clever concept, to take care of them by sending them materialistic goods so they can enjoy their afterlives. but it’s also the most heartbreaking and salient reminder of the fact that our loved ones are gone. i think i can partly attribute my nebulous belief in “spirits” to this

awww yeah. flossin’ with “hell bank notes”

we can’t help but monkey around. we don’t think grandpa would mind

it’s a nice view from atop skylawn cemetary, and it’s close to the ocean. i have to say, my mom did a good job finding a resting place for her parents

now that i’m older (though certainly not mature), i have learned the importance of taking this stuff more seriously. i’m making an earnest effort to tone down the stubborn “why do i hafta?!” behavior when mom says it’s time to go visit the grandparents. i often wonder if i can maintain the tradition and do the same for my mom as she has for her parents. my selfishness renders me incapable of conveying this kind of devotion and love. regardless, it’s something i’ll have to do. and if i ever get lazy about it, christina will surely get my butt into gear.

**ps – according to wiki, this year is the FIRST TIME the people’s republic of china can celebrate qing ming jie! it wasn’t allowed before because the chinese communist party had classified it as a superstition.

THANK YOU DEREK FOR FIXING MY SITE!

and thanks to those who have shown an interest in our whirlwind NYC trip. it was intense and jam packed. i can’t wait to post here and there about it, but work is all up in my grill and i owe it to myself to get all up in work’s grill too. again, thank YOU for reading and commenting!

ps – the olympic torch route has been announced. activists are chomping at the bit to get their groove on. i even saw an ad on the side of the bus today promoting the protest this saturday. things are really heating up. i can feel the molecules in the air starting to sizzle…