I spent this evening doing something I sadly, rarely ever do: tidying up the festooned mess that is my room. My goal is to have guests not say, “You have so MUCH STUFF.” So tonight I’ve been relocating a lot of crap (toys, knick knacks) to the living room. I even found an old artwork (that I forgot I bought at the antique paper fair) which I framed and hung.

Whilst trying to be productive, I revisited some old CDs. And that is why I’m currently stuck in the black hole known as music nostalgia. Looking at my Cure collection, I suddenly wanted to listen to an album that I only had on tape. One thing (YouTubing to hear my favorite tracks on said album) led to another, and before you know it, I’m going to list my top cherished memories of one of my alltime will-always-love favorite bands (in no particular order):

* meeting The Cure at Tower Records in early high school. Susie and I waited forever in line; I remember I kept drawing on my soles to kill the time and muffle my nervous energy. This was during a period when I drew Robert Smith obsessively (preceded by Trent Reznor), so I brought my favorite drawing of him to have him sign it. I thought that I was being original by filling in his depicted mouth with real lipstick. Meeting them was awesome, and I couldn’t have done it without Susie (and her Celica). Having Robert sign my portrait of him was amazing. I only wish I had it still (but I still have my signed copy of Faith!)

* listening to Disintegration on the walkman in the backseat of the car while my family and I were driving somewhere, and helplessly sobbing the whole time. My mom, stepdad, and sister didn’t understand why, and I didn’t either, except that at that very moment, that music was the most emotionally overwhelming and personal to an anguished, angsty teenage me.

* laying in my bunk bed looping Faith again and again, feeling as if I totally “got it,” or rather, they totally “got it” and “got” me.

* having Kiss Me, Kiss me, Kiss Me be the soundtrack to my forays into The Sandman. I’ll always associate The Snakepit with a particular scene in Dream Country.

* feeling with absolute conviction that there were no better, more heartwrenching breakup songs than Letter to Elise and Pictures of You. I think even today I agree.

* figuring out the main chord of Trust on the piano (and not getting very far)

* seeing them for like the fifth time but in MADRID. That was also my first (and only) time in Europe. I’ve seen them seven times total, sometimes with the san hos.

* excitedly owning and wearing out a copy of this book. I couldn’t get enough of it, and I was particularly enchanted with what I thought was the most romantic, honest relationship between Robert Smith and his wife Mary. Did you know she made a cameo in the Just Like Heaven video?

* driving around in my first car with The Top constantly playing in the cassette player. My first ever email account (hotmail) was named after a song on that album.

And that concludes another installment of Jenn Yin’s mawkish TMI.

Sometimes when you’re so damn sad you feel like you’ll never be able to feel right again, it’s helpful to remember that there are really weird and/or adorable animals in the world.

Things that have happened in the past few months (in no particular order):

* Callum came into the world. Nice work, Mich and Mel! He’s a beaut.

* Peggy left on a cross country road trip for her new home on the east coast. Sadness abounds. And there was another goodbye as well. Two big painful goodbyes in a short period of time definitely make for deep reflection and big changes.

* Jenelle returned home after nine years on the east coast. Rejoice! We’re all in the Bay Area together again. And the girl came back with a ring on her finger.

* Got crazy hungry for reading. Haven’t been this voracious for books since I was a kid. Been digesting lots of Edith Wharton, DH Lawrence, Richard Yates, Michael Cunningham, etc. Can’t get enough of bleak, tragic stories of dysfunctional families, forbidden love, life’s little injustices, lost opportunities, etc. My cup of tea. Next up is my first Updike, thanks to Peg’s recommendation and a lifelong curiosity, Mary Karr, more Yates, and more Drifting Classroom (thanks, library!)

* Been finally making good use of my Netflix subscription, and I don’t just mean with Instant Play either. My queue hasn’t seen this much action since I don’t know when. Speaking of movies, The Maid was really great. So was Step Brothers, surprisingly. Who knew?!

* Spent lots of time with an old friend as we try to take care of each other.

* Made a new fun friend who parachuted into my life out of nowhere. Social blindsiding, I call it, but with positive connotations.

* Haven’t engaged in any physical fitness activity WHATSOEVER. It’s quite worrisome and is responsible for my frown lines and furrowed brow, but I’ve sunken so deeply into my isolated, pleasurable, low energy pattern of reading and watching and cooking, that just the idea of marching back into the gym, walking to work, or getting on the bike fears me with dread. DREAD, I tell you. It’s awful.

* Gotten into the weekly habit of stocking up on lunch materials at the farmers market near work. Gone are the days of sporadic visits. Now I eat a boring ass salad (comprised of ingredients all bought from the farmers market) almost every. Single. Day (luckily, my work spouse’s homemade mustard adds some kick to the dressing).

* Worried about my job / career. It’s still a roller coaster relationship and I find increasing reasons to feel disgruntled and unvalued. Perhaps it’s a little symptomatic of a six year relationship.

So, in other words, my life is pretty much par for the course in its major ups and downs and mostly boring little happenings and routines.

What are yours?

I’m proud of my ladies. Creating a child is one of the gutsiest things you can do. We’ve got two babies en route to the world very, very soon (notice how I use “we” as if I’m doing any of the work?). Then I’ll be aunt to three!

When I was in LA recently using forced vacation time by staying with Anthony, I asked him to draw me. So he did while I was asleep. He nailed the open mouth breathing / drooling part.

Meet the sloths from Amphibian Avenger on Vimeo.